When a light is too painful for one to endure it, is the cause of the pain the condition of ones failing health? Could it be rather, the constant conscience thoughts of one's self, worsening their state with every pain, alerting ones soul to shutter?
I wrote these questions 10 years ago. This little note to myself has remained stuck to my refrigerator ever since. I was struggling with migraines trying to keep me in the dark. Sure, the darkness helped, but as soon as I walked into the light again or took the shades off, they were back. I chose to stop letting myself dwell on the pain. I chose to take back the light and not let darkness claim my days. It reminds me to not think on myself and my health conditions so much as to miss out on life, light, love, joy, happiness:)
Is it possible to find joy through and during the mourning of physical ailments? Is it possible to ignore the pain, by remaining in the light and still enjoy life to its fullest? It is! With God, praying friends and loved ones.
It is not like I have cancer and am dying, but yet the pain I deal with everyday has consumed me in the past just as if I had received a death warrant. I can tell you that dealing with fibromyalsia takes its tole on your mental well being as well as physical. Waking up to feeling like you've just been run over by an 18 wheeler, again, is no inspiration to get out of bed and conquer the day.
One day not so long ago I was ready to give the dr.'s advice a try and take some medication to raise my serotonin level. Thus, treat my depression that comes with dealing with pain all the time. I am still willing if need be. However, I found that St. Johns Wart works to help me handle the pain I get dished out to me each day. I cry less, feel like crawling in bed and giving up less. This is not a vitamin add. I thank God for giving me something that helps me be able to fight back!
God promises to make all things Good, for those whom love Him. I know He wants me healed more than I want me healed. In the meanwhile He has grown my relationship with my husband, as we pray with each other more, cry out to God together more. My children have learned the value of praying for others as they pray for me and those they care about earnestly. They have learned compassion at a young age. Jesus has drawn me close to Him and comforted me time and time again. He has proven He is my God, my Daddy, my Best Friend, my Counselor, my Saviour and Redeemer. He gives me strength when I am weak, and joy in my mourning. He is helping me everyday to take back what he has given me to live to the fullest... life. My life which I lay down for God to use, and use and use to make some kind of difference in peoples lives.
I want my children to know what's most important in life is to love God, obey Him and let God love them in return. I want My husband to know how precious a gift from God he is to me. I want my brothers and sisters to know there is hope and joy in the Mourning. That sorrow may last for the night but God makes all things new and He is for you not against you! I want to live to breath in God and exhale Him out again for others to know His existence, His love and His faithfulness.
Joy can come in the Mourning! It does everyday if we let Him in to pull open the shades and light up our day!
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